Freaky Friday: Harry Potter Style!
by bookworm835
Summary: I'm making a movie and Harry and Remus are the stars! What will happen when they switch bodies? Read and see! (no longer script version! :) )
1. Prologue

**Title:** Freaky Friday: Harry Potter Style!  
**Author: **bookworm835  
**Rating: **K plus because... I dunno. Because Voldie is a bad little boy and no one can resist a swear word or two once in a while.  
**Category: **Humor  
**Summary:** I'm making a movie and Harry and Remus are the stars! What will happen when they switch bodies? Read and see! (no longer script version:) )  
**Disclaimer: **Don't own Harry Potter, as much as I wish I did. Don't own Freaky Friday, either.  
**A/N: **Okay, last year I wrote this but it was in script version so it got deleted. I've remade it! Huzzah! Might not be as funny, though. :( Hope you still read and review 'cause it took me forever to get the prologue and chapter one done, so you'll have to wait a while for chapter two too. Hahaha, two too? Ahhhh... one and a half hours until HPatCoS comes on with a preview from the GoF! Eeee, I'm so giddy! XD

-

The set was a disaster. Fang was doing his business indoors, the cast was staging a hot dog eating contest, and unbeknownst to me, a fire crab was eating the only copy of the script.

"Okay, people, get organized!" I yelled impatiently over the chaos. "We're about to start! Is everyone clear on what we're going to do?"

Immediately Hermione-the-brainiac's hand shot up. "Oooh! Oooh!" she squealed.

I raised an eyebrow and rolled my eyes, ignoring her. "Uh... anyways, everyone know their roles?"

The egomaniac Ron did a little jig. "I'M RON!" he shrieked in a sing-song voice. "I'm the handsome, cool, utterly brilliant one! All the fangirls shall be _miiiiine_, preciouss --"

Promptly slapping him, I said, business-like, "Wrong movie, bozo."

"Owwie. You ruined my beautiful face! I didn't shave my eyebrows off and powder my nose every day for nothing, fool!"

Everyone's head swivelled on their shoulders, staring wide-eyed at Ron. Even Fluffy stopped mauling Quirrell to gaze upon the gayness that was Ronald.

Ron's ears turned bright scarlet. "Umm, not that I paint my eyebrows on and try to hide my freckles, hehehehe... because that would be... um... just... stupid."

Everyone's swivelled heads nodded sympathetically.

Harry, upset at not being the center of attention, yelled, "And I'm Harry, the quiet coward who is to switch with Remus Lupin, the werewolf menace--"

For some reason, Remus seemed to get rather upset. "_Harry!_" he whined, wagging his finger unappreciatively. "That's not very nice... ten points from Gryffindor!"

Harry scowled and stuck out his tongue. "You can't take points from my house; you're not a professor anymore!" He giggled insanely as Remus began sobbing and cursing Snape.

Snape himself whipped around, whipping out his wand, and whipping it in the air. "Quiet, werewolf --" But in all his whipping around, he lost track of where Remus Lupin lazily stood, fists in pockets. Snape twirled around like a ballerina, flailing his arms around. "Where wolf! Where wolf!" he yelled. Finally, his gaze fell on Remus and he skidded to a halt, panting for breath. He smoothed the folds in his robe, squinted, and said smugly, "I've paid the author two sickles to do one thing for me, and I could make that one request your _deeeeath_."

Twilight zone music suddenly drifted through the air. I confusedly looked around. Neville was in the corner, wiggling his wand and tittering. I poked him in his flabby tummy. "NO SOUND EFFECTS!"

Remus seemed mortified that I'd accept two sickles over his life. To this day I've never really found out why... anyhoo, he wibbled, "WHAT?" and more tears welled up in his eyes.

I shrugged innocently. "Hey, what can I say? I'm a sucker for the _mula_, baby doll!"

Harry seemed to take sides with Remus. He muttered, "Shallow, air-headed American git..."

"Hey, dude, howdja know I was, like, American!" I demanded. After getting no answer from him, I crossed my arms across my chest and sighed. "Oookay, whatever, _be that way_, punk. Let's just get this over with..."

-

**Yes, I know, short, but this is just the prologue. I'm gonna get chapter one posted today so I hopefully won't lose any readers. Please please review, I don't care if you review the prologue or the next chapter. Just review please!**


	2. ValueMart, a crybaby, and oneword deaths

**Disclaimer:** Still not mine. What, you think a chapter difference would change that?  
**A/N: **Chapter one! Huzzah! Um, dunno what to say. I'm not real good at transferring stories from script version to -- uh... normal version... but hopefully it's still funny. :) Enjoy! ...Or at least, you'd better, 'cause this friggin' story took me FOREVER to change. LOL. :D AND JUST SAW THE GoF PREVIEW! OH MY GOSH I CANNOT WAIT! IT IS SO AMAZING! IT'S TOO BRILLIANT FOR WORDS! OH MY GOSH!

-

On the TV screen, Harry opened his eyes groggily. "Ugggghhhh... what happened last night...? I thought I told Ron to save that Firewhisky for Christmas... wait, no, this isn't a hangover -- OMIGOD I'M IN MY TEACHER'S BODY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH --"

Remus calmly walked up in Harry's body, adjusting his taped glasses, mumbling something about feeling like a nerd. Then he cleared his throat and said loudly, "Hey, wait... shouldn't we give a little explanation first?"

Harry (in Remus's body, of course) had been running in figure eights but now abruptly stopped, tripped, and fell face-first into the dirt. Don't ask why there was dirt on a movie set when they're supposed to be indoors, just roll with it, people. Harry straightened up in the most dignified manner possible and spit out a string of mud between his teeth. Everyone took a step away. Harry blinked, his shoulders slumped, and said, "Huh?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "You know, like--like--like... like... llllliiiikkkke--"

"GET ON WITH IT, RETARD!"

"Ah," Remus exlaimed, smiling, "like, how did this all happen? And why it was us!"

I couldn't help but feel a little jealous as Harry and Remus sucked up all the limelight like little arrogant sponges so I stepped in. "Wellllllllllllll," I said witticismly--ignoring the fact that, if I was so witty, why would I be using a word that isn't even a word -- scratching my chin thoughtfully. "I _was_ going to make it a Severus/Harry switch--"

Harry began running in an odd shape that appeared to be a four-leafed clover, screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" at the top of his little lungs so I punched him unconcious.

"_As I was saying before I was so rudely interupted_, I decided that I like Remus better than Snape, because Snape is such a stupid ole slimeball-sourpuss."

I peered around as suddenly girls dressed in greasy black wigs and flowy black capes stalked up to me, scowling, their fists clenched at their sides. My eye twitched.

"DON'T KILL ME, SNAPE LOVERS!" I squealed, falling on my knees, picking up a pebble the size of my thumbnail and cleverly hiding under it. Aha, no one would ever find me down there!

Ron pressed, "Aaaand...?"

I blinked. "And what?"

The audience heaved a loud sigh.

"Oh. Oh, _ohhhhhhhh!_" I said, finally understanding. "Well, Sevvie seemed to fit the role better --"

"HEY!" Remus yelled, offended.

"EHEM," I yelled back, also offended, "I'M TALKING HERE, BUM! But I just couldn't _stand_ making it Snape/Harry when it could be Lupin/Harry! Besides, having Harry experience the life of a werewolf would be more interesting than having him live in the life of an evil professor."

Snape, his eyebrows raised, put his hand to his heart and said in a girly voice, "Well, I never! Me? Evil!" He grabbed a floral smock and a matching pink hat that seemed to integrate from nowhere and put them on, fluffing up the purple puff-ball flower on the hat. "See? I'm a sweet widdle 'fessor!"

I rolled my eyes, tapping my foot. "_Suuuure_ ya are," I mocked impatiently.

Remus argued, "But Snape and Harry argue more. Shouldn't the switch be between Snape and Harry?"

I, ignoring the fact that Remus was not very funny at all, said in a low, loud voice that was for some reason accented in Turkish, "Hey, bub, do you wanna paycheck or not!"

At this Remus "meep"ed and pouted. "Okay, I'll be quiet!"

My face felt hot with anger. By the way people were looking at me, you'd think that steam was coming out of my ears. Which could be possible, because those idiodic twins Fred and George had tricked me into eating a dozen cases of Pepper Imps. What? How did they trick me into eating twelve boxes? Umm... well... you see... it's not like I'm naive or anything! Hmph. "OKAY, YOU WANT AN EXPLANATION?" I exploded. "TOMMY! GET IN HERE!"

Voldemort sidled in. I could tell he was just trying to impress all the fangirls in the audience. Shame he didn't know that none of them were _his_ fangirls. He hissed, "My name is not TOMMY, it's VOLDIE -- _I MEAN, VOLDEMORT! AAAARGH! CRUCI --_"

"Tommy," I said warningly, "don't you wave that wand at me! You could put an eye out!" I narrowed my eyes accusingly and put my hands on my hips. I know I might've been a bit hard on the lad but hey, you can't be too soft on those evil lords.

"But--" Voldemort pouted.

"No butts! Butts are inappropriate! Now, if you would've said ass --"

Voldemort was snivelling now, snot dribbling down his chalk-white face. My eyes softened.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, don't cry, Tom-Tom! Mommy will make it all better." I huggled him, nearly snapping his bony body in half.

Wiping away the boogers, Tomm -- I mean, Voldemort explained, "My real mumma didn't care 'bout me, no no, she didn't. To tell you the truth, she didn't name me Tom. She named me ValueMart. I didn't want anyone to know that I was named after a store so I said my name was Tom. But I still have the best prices in all of London!"

My jaw went slack and we all stared for a moment before I collected myself back up and said, "As I was saying... ValueMa--er, Voldemort, you got the fortune cookie?"

Voldemort's mood brightened. He pulled the smushed cookie in its package from his back pocket triumphantly and sang, "Yup-aroni and cheese!"

Ron reached out. "Why do we need a cookie?" No one answered him. "Well... I missed lunch to come to this stinkin' audition, soooo..."

I slapped his outstretched hand. "Bad Ron! Bad, bad, this is a prop!"

He stuck out his lower lip and knit his brow. "No, it's lunch!"

"You're not even in this scene!"

Voldemort, still singing, sang in a singy songish voice, "I wanna give the werewolf and that damn Boy-Who-Will-Soon-Be-Dead the cookie!"

"You? With a cookie? I dunno, Voldie... for some reason that dripping-with-green-poison cookie reminds me of Snow White... but I can't quite remember what happened..." I bit my lip.

"Umm, they... uh, they used the poison to... um... solve Snowy's mouse problem," Voldemort said.

I glared... then grinned. "Okay! That's good 'nuff for me! But still... I dunno, Voldie..."

Voldemort gasped. "What, don't you think I can deal with a cookie?" I shrugged. His mouth an O, he raged, "I can't believe this! _You'll hear from my lawyer!_" Then he stomped off the set angrily.

Sighing in relief, I said, "Wow, I thought he'd _never_ leave... Okay then, Cho! Come over here, we'll need you to take Voldie's part..."

"Why me!" Cho wailed.

"Uhhh, 'cause you're the closest thing to a little Chinese lady to match the lady in the movie. So take this cookie--" I handed her the cookie "--and this script--" I handed her the half-eaten script "--and memorize all your lines in the next two seconds!"

Cho's big brown eyes teared up. "Cedric wouldn't be so mean, you--you--YOU MEANIE!" Then she burst into hysterical sobs as Harry stuffed his fist in his mouth, fighting back laughter.

Scowling, I spat, "Don't be such a baby, Cho! The little Chinese lady in the movie didn't cry!"

"Cedric didn't compare me to little Chinese ladies on TV!"

Stomping my feet and baring my teeth in a way that made Hermione exclaim, "That's barbaric!" I snapped, "_Suck--it--up_!"

Cho's big brown eyes teared up.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

I immediately jumped back, my eyes wide as dinner plates. "Hey, hey! If you get that script wet, you're paying for it!"

Cho gasped between sobs, "YOU'RE--SO--CHEAP--

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

I shrugged. "So whaaat? I'd rather be cheap than broke, baby."

Suddenly, a very loud snore ripped through the air, shattering the windows and cracking spiderwebs across my glasses. No, seriously. What, you don't believe me? Anyhow, I glanced over, my hands pressed on the sides of my head, clenching my teeth. Remus was sleeping, leaning back in a chair. I shouted over the noise (gosh, all we do is scream! But hey, it's the latest thang in fashion, man... ahaha...), "_Hey, Rem, who said you could fall asleep!_"

Remus snorted, blinked, and shook his shaggy brown head. "Huh--? Oh... well, you see, we weren't doing the story, so why can't a werewolf get a bit of sleep around here?"

"Be-caaaaaaaaaause," I said, as if explaining it to a moron, "I'm losing money explaining everything to you dweebs!" I stopped myself and thought, scratching my chin again. "Well, no, Remus and Ron, you aren't dweebs, you're hotties--"

Remus's eyebrows rose so high they disappeared underneath his hair and rolled across the top and back of his head until they reappeared on the back of his neck. "Hey, you're--like--twenty-five years younger than me..."

I batted my eyelashes. "So? We were meant for each other..." I smiled dreamily.

"O-KAY THEN!" Remus jumped up. "Let's get this scripty thing done with!" He dashed off in a cloud of dust. I coughed and pouted.

"Ohhhh..." Then I turned to face you--yes, you! You may feel a bit intimidated by my presence but don't worry, I'm wondefully kind and I can manage mingling with the little people... "Okay then, readers, since I've just been ditched by my favorite character, I suppose we should get on withy the story. I mean--that _is_ what you paid for, right?" I elbowed you. You "ouch" unappreciatively. The audience giggled maniacally.

Harry, the stupid cretin, had to bring up, "They _paid_?"

My eyes wide, I "SHHHHHHHH!"ed him urgently.

Narrowing his eyes suspiciously, Harry said accusingly, "This was supposed to be _free_!"

I "SHHHHHHHH!"ed him again and then warned, "Be quiet or I'll kill you off!"

Obviously worried, Harry backed off a bit. "Y-you can't do that!" he stammered. "Only J.K. Rowling can!"

I smirked. "Well too bad then, eh? She's not here, and I could kill you with a single word. _BWAHAHAHA_--_haha_--ha...ha..." I trailed off and whirled around and hissed backstage, "_Hey! Dim lights and cue lightning, stu-peedos!_"

The crew "oh"ed sheepishly and turned off the lights. Cheap-looking cardboard lightning flashed behind me and the lights. I continued "BWAHAHAHA"ing. After a while of that, I sniffed, rubbed my nose, and said, "Ah, that was satisfying."

Harry argued, "But--"

"What's with the butts? Oy! AND RIGHT THEN, ON THE SPOT, HARRY _DIED_!"

Harry's eyes widened and he gasped an odd "Uhp!" sort of noise and keeled over.

I sighed. "Okay then..." The audience was open-mouthed, too shocked to speak. Harry fangirls were seething and others were fighting the burly guards to strangle me. "No, no, not yet... okay..." I rolled up my sleeve and squinted at my watch. "Three... two... one... NOW! And then he miraculously came back to life!"

Harry hopped up and said in a teenage-girl-ish voice, "I can_not_ believe you just killed me! And you didn't even do it in one word!"

"Stop complaining or I'll do it again!"

Electricity crackled between us. He glared. "You wouldn't dare..."

I laughed triumphantly and screamed crisply, "DEAD!"

Harry fell. Um, again.

I chuckled evilly and rubbed my hands together. Evilly, of course. Then I said (evilly), "Well, let's begin, shall we?"

Cho, who had been drowning in her own tears, let her chin wobble and wobble and wobble until it fell off. She picked it back up and reattached it with some old screws and oil from the tin man from the Wizard of Oz. She screeched, "But Harry's still dead! WAAAAAAAAAAAH! EVERYONE I LIKE DIIIIIIES!"

I shrugged. "Oh, uh... just leave him there."

Blinking, Cho grinned widely. "Oh, okay!" She and I then went shopping.

-

**Review pretty pretty please! I'll continue if people want me to. If not... well... uh... then I won't:) Hopefully people like this version too. Sorry about the wait!**


End file.
